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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
He was like, `We`re all slowly dying` So I was like, `WRONG` and I threw him in front of a moving bus.
never judges a book by its cover. I use the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
My Facebook weather forecast looks like I can expect 2 or 3 inches of drama tonight followed by a lot of bullsh!t blowing in from all directions in the morning.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !