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Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
You should always love a woman for her personality. We have so many to choose from.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, "I`m not crazy!" and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
I don’t understand why drunk me always seems to have more money than sober me.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
I noticed you’re not yourself today. I really like it.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen