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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Those awkward moments when you catch yourself feeling frustrated with your kids for being just like you....
Some things are better left unsaid, but I`m probably gonna get drunk and say them anyway.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.