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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
I`m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.