Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn`t cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I had the greatest bowel movement at 2am......unfortunately I woke up at 8am (<>..<>)
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.