Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Sometimes, I wish I could fast forward the time just to see if in the end it`s all worth it.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
If you see a road sign that says "Survey Crew Ahead" they actually are not looking for your opinions ... I know that now.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!