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when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
If you ever need anything please don`t hesitate to ask someone else first.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like “tiny doll feet scampering into the closet” because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
So far I’ve spent most of 2014 flipping off the weather channel.