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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Good news: I can still do a full split! Bad news: It wasn`t on purpose!
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Sorry just got your text. Do you still need to go to the hospital?
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
Shouldn`t the Air and Space museum be empty?
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
There`s a pretty good chance I`ll end up being one of those senior citizens who randomly bites people...
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling