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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Don`t waste my timeline.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...