Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
Did 4 push ups & 2 sit ups then ate 4 doughnuts & drank 2 beers. It`s called balance people!
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
If a mass murderer on death row ordered a Klondike Bar for his last meal I bet it would explain a lot.
Who`s more foolish, a fool or the person who takes a fool`s advice?
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Depression is wanting to lay down and realizing that you are already laying down.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!