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According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Your personality needs alcohol.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
All I ask for is a chance to prove money can`t make me happy.
Facebook should allow people to be in a relationship with food. That would be my relationship for eternity.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
I bet the creator of the artificial heart is pretty pissed that we still use "sliced bread" as our basis for great inventions.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
If you have a Selfie Stick Pro, go back two spaces.
Sometimes when Iām feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.