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My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
“Until death do us part” means we’re all single in heaven, right?
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
My girlfriend told me that I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I`m having an out of money experience.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.