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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
You`re never too old to throw random sh*t in people`s shopping carts when they aren`t looking.
If you come to myspace and twitter about my yahoo, can I google over your facebook?
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."