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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.