Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
In some ways I’m just like a dog…. I can’t be trusted around unsupervised food.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
On average I spend $75 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
Why haven’t we just found someone ballsy enough to dress up as Mrs Bigfoot and catch him already?
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?