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Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
once a homeless guy said to me `Hey you got a dollar` and I said `wow your absolutely right..with psychic powers like that I`m surprised your still homeless` got in my car and left..
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
Typical: you have nothing to wear for a party and suddenly the rabbits, the birds and the mice begin to sew you a dress
Who is the genius that decided Little League uniforms be white? My guess is Tide laundry detergent.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.