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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Onion rings are vegetables. And the Large size counts as two servings.