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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
Here`s a thought: Let`s let the illegal Mexicans stay and send the whining crybabies to Mexico. At least the illegal Mexicans are willing to work.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
i love you with all my butt. i would say heart but my butt is bigger :)
I always advise people never to give advice.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
The last time I saw something as ugly as your face I pinned a tail on it.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!