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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
I was just chatting with my cat about how being lonely can make a person crazy.
the ulitmate moment is when your identical twin says your ugly
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
If you watched the story of my life backwards, you`d see an incredibly inspirational story about hair growth, weight loss, and vastly improved athletic ability.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!