Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t think my blind date was blind, she read the menu and caught the basketball I threw at her
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
We need to DETACH from all this technology and live life in the moment. Sent from my iPhone
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Thanks for calling me to tell me you just sent that email
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
If a Police Officer says, Anything you say will be taken down & used as evidence... Your answer should always be, Please don`t hit me again officer...
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.