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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.