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A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
I have never been guilty of taking the smaller pizza slice.
"Oh wow, it`s a fruit cake! I`m going to eat some of it right now" ...said no one ever.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
Maybe the cost of a barrel of oil wouldn’t be so expensive if Donkey Kong didn’t waste thousands of them in the `80s throwing them at Mario.
Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
I just sent out my daily text to a random number saying "I hit Zack with my truck. I`m going to need to use your hacksaw to cut him up.
This year’s box-office revenue is down 20 percent from last summer. I’m not sure why that is, but I`ll bet you there’s a documentary on Netflix about it.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside