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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I knew I was going to jail when I yanked at the cop pants and they didn`t tear away ..
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!