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This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
A company has announced a new service where you carpool with strangers. It`s a new cutting-edge technology called "taking the bus."