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How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
I still water my dead plants every 3 months. Just in case...
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
Facebook becomes 100 times more entertaining when you have work to do.
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you