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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
If you can`t handle me at my worst...I don`t blame you, neither can I.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
My life`s paradox: I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
My wife was afraid of the dark......then she saw me naked.........now she is afraid of the light.
This beer tastes like I’m going to text you later.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
i wish i could sleep ... but my damn A.D.D. kicks in and basically 1 sheep, 2 sheep, cow, turtle, duck, Ol McDonald had a farm, HEEEY Macerena.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.