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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Chapstick is an entire industry based on you losing the product and buying more.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I put the PRO in inappropriate!