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I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
If a dentist makes his money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.