Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they`re transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
Nice try "Private Caller", but I wont`t answer even if I know you.
Getting stuff out of my refrigerator is like playing Jenga.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.