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Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Forecast for tonight: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`