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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I`m considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
If you are alone and feeling lonely, fart. Someone always walks in after you fart.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.