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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
We are the only ones who can control our own happiness, but sometimes it feels like someone else is holding the remote.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?