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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.