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What do you call a dog with no hind legs? Dragon Balls.
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Congratulations! You`ve won a lifetime supply of air: Not valid under water, in space, when dead, or while choking.
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
M?o?n?, T?u?e?s?, W?e?d?, T?h?u?r?s?, Friday !!!!
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.