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I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like "Dude, you have to wait."
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.