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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks what you like to do for fun.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
It`s pretty amazing how many times my daughter likes to say "it`s not fair!" considering she has never had to pay taxes
It`s really crazy that you don`t hear a round of applause every time you order a salad.
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
I just threw up my weekend.
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!