Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Insert coin to view my status message.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Imagine this: You`re home alone and you sneeze. Suddenly the phone rings and you answer, then someone whispers `Bless you` and hangs up.
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
To find out your dolphin name, lick your finger tips and rub a balloon
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.