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I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Just because I`m awake doesn`t mean I`m ready to do things
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
Once my ex knocked on my door & then shouted that it was her, so I texted “im not home” then seconds later I texted “if u happen to be here”