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If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
The rare times my cat approaches me for affection, I run away and hide under the bed so she knows what that feels like.
“I” before “E” especially after “P”. Mmmm pie
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
Isn`t it weird when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?