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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
I have an oven with a "stop time" button. It´s probably meant to be "stop timer" but I don´t touch it, just in case.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
sorry abaut the message I sent you last night, my phone was drunk!
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
The way to win the lottery is to choose the correct numbers in the correct sequence before they are announced. (You’re welcome)
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...