Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
Ordering a water with lemon says “I’m too cheap to buy a drink, but I still like a little zing.”
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
This relationship is going to be weird if you keep pretending I`m not your boyfriend.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
F*ck you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
The voices in my head are not real, but they have good ideas.