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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes... or until you check their browser history.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
I saw a book titled Learning To Read For Dummies. At first I thought that sounded insulting, but then I realized anybody who would be insulted by that title wouldn`t even know what it says.
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
If I ever had to run for my life, I would probably die.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
when i die i want to be thrown out of an airplane with a superman costume