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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
With a great a$$ comes great responsibility!
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.