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How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Honestly, my biggest fear about becoming a zombie in the apocalypse is all the walking.
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
The word bed looks like a bed.
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Thank God I still have a few days left to achieve my goal of “going to the gym in 2014.”
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)