Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Marriage is for quitters
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
I`m not saying my doctor is young, but he just texted me "2mer is B-9, woot!"
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.