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Son to mom: why should I sweep the floor? Mom to son: do you want to be an Olympic Curl champion?
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Running away does not help with the problems unless you are fat
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe