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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
Hating people takes too much energy. I just pretend they`re dead
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at nothing outside.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.