Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can`t leave messages now. That`s the kind of genius I am.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.