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A wise man once said nothing.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Just read a book on quantum evolution. The idea is that quantum mechanics are involved in the process of evolution. I still say go to WalMart and then try to sell me on evolution....
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.