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You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren’t there Starbucks pumpkin spice latte trucks in the winter?
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
You call them ‘naps’ but I prefer to call them ‘alcohol-induced aftershocks`
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.