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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
I followed my heart...now I`m at the liqour store
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
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Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."