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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Guys, if a girl invites you upstairs for "coffee," first make sure she has coffee, you don`t want to get up there and there`s no coffee.
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
Because it`s the season to give thanks, I would just like to say....you`re welcome.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.