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Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket .. I´d miss you alot and think of you often.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good.
ok ladies quick question?,say a guy wanted to wear a thong does he tuck shirt in or out? Asking for a friend.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool