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I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Marriage is something you should pay for and divorce should be free. You might think twice before buying into it.
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!