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Haters are my motivators(:
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
My Wife: Why are you home so early? Me: My boss told me to go to hell
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I like to pee on car windows in subzero weather, happy scraping
When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...