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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
I used to have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lived 150 miles away
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
At least I know it wasn`t just me that was wondering if the cashier was a man or a woman. I just wish that my 5 year old didn`t ask.