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Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
"Being naked isn`t fun" - said no one ever.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…