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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
Like a stoned man once said, I can`t remember.
That`s disgusting! (unless you`re up for it?)
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
I need something that`s more than coffee but less than cocaine.